My “favorite” blog posts start with “I’m sorry that I haven’t written a blog for awhile…” #sarcasm. Do I really think that people are out there WAITING patiently for my next post? I think not….so no apology for the hiatus.

Anyhoo, Oceanside 70.3 came and went yesterday. Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t the best day. In short, I had to drop off out halfway through the run due to an Achilles problem. Am I p*ssed??? Yes…….

I don’t do well with surprises. I don’t do well with “grey”.  If I were to ever carry a baby to term, I would want to know the sex. I frequently revisit one of the best phrases in America literature “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” –John Steinbeck, to remind myself that people and circumstances often change.  However, when I have an expectation and people and/or circumstances surprise me in some negative way; I don’t do well with it. It’s my own shortcoming as a human being.  In order to mitigate any potential negative impact on my psyche, I usually “remove” expectation from the equation. Lack of expectation = lack of disappointment.

Grey. Ironically I love the wearing the color (and it’s a flattering one) but I hate dealing with the unknown.  This race wasn’t supposed to have an asterisk next to it.   No, I didn’t crash (like my friend and teammate, Liz—who got up and persevered through the remaining 67.8 miles of the race—abrasions and all) and I didn’t have any mechanicals. My swim and bike, albeit a little slow, met expectation. But at mile 3, a surprising  pain in my Achilles reared its ugly, not-so-dormant head and I couldn’t run. Do I keep running? Well, that was a “GREY” area. I lost flexion in the left foot and my run gait was compromised. And my calf hurt, which was weird. I haven’t had any PAIN in my calf in 2 months (just a little stiffness here and there).  At mile 5, I dropped out.  My running, or lack thereof, SURPRISED me and I was p*ssed. If this had been a race where I had started “in the GREY” and I knew that there was a chance that I might have to drop out, I would have handled the circumstance much better. Much.

Is this a “first world” or “North County” problem? Absolutely. I have had and will continue to have plenty of successes in my life. But yesterday, the body wasn’t there.   I briefly vented to my coach (in some sort of pseudo fake-calm “I’m intellectualizing this and it really isn’t a huge deal and lets talk about some snarky stuff to distract me and maybe I need to switch running shoes”) followed by a flurry of post race “freak out” emails that began with “F*ck”.   I cried. Yep, I did.   Right in front of Restaurant 333 and then again while laying on the hood of my car while waiting for Geoff and my awesome friends to return from the hour long ‘round trip to T1 to grab my gear and bike (BTW, did anyone ever find a shuttle bus back to T1??). I was laying there, throwing myself a ginormous pity party, and mentally making lists of the female master’s triathletes who might be doping/are drafting/are flat out mind-f*cking liars or just plain stupid. I was irritated at best and wasn’t giving anyone the benefit of the doubt (but hey, when it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck….well, then) #sourgrapes.

In hindsight, there are a few dopers, a few drafters and a few personalities that don’t mesh with mine. The proverbial sky isn’t falling and there isn’t a permanent raincloud above my head. I’m already on the mend.

As I write this, it’s 3:30 a.m. and I’m on my 2nd Kombucha but contemplating a beer (it’s noon somewhere, right?).  I’m truly happy for my Groove teammates who finished yesterday (a-hem PR Heidi Swanson) and some of them were up on the podium (way to go Jen Ward Barber—1st IM podium!!) Kristin hosted a Betty/Groove happy hour complete with yet more Betty gear and I’m truly in awe to be part of the San Diego Tri scene.

50 Shades…….yep, racing is in the GREY zone now but I’ll see what this week brings.